I liked the thoroughness/detail with which you described different types of fear and how they distend into each other. Scary stuff. I think a few words about the room would help me to visualize the scene better. Description is probably best mentioned in conjunction to a character’s actions so as to be unobtrusive, like; “he looked at this, banged his forehead on this, shaded his eyes from this… etcâ€.
That is a solid poem. Really good, not too cookie-cutter perfect with the rhymes, and not too on the nose with its message. Those are usually problems I run into when I try to write poems, but I see you’ve got the knack for it.
Zlaab is getting ever cooler, indeed indeed… The quantum computer would have to be cooled right? So, there’s another opportunity for a humorous misunderstanding if there’s a situation with a question of who’s cooler, between Zlaab and an AI character. They could be having a serious discussion/confrontation and the quantum computer itself could interrupt them in a fourth wall break to inform everyone of its temperature. Then the AI player characters could face-palm in an equivalent of the “Mom/Dad! Don’t! You’re embarrassing me.†type of thing. Then the programmers would scramble to fix the error, so the AI doesn't lose this game.
What else? Edward, Tobias, Carly, good names! Not too common, but still familiar. Carly seems promising, as a junior software developer might think more outside the box, relative to the others, providing a good foil and interestingly different perspective. Kind of taking the role of what I would consider to be the Janitor archetype, in my opinion the addition of a janitor would improve most stories. I dunno, with a lot of fiction the ambiance just feels really plastiky to me.
On the subject of names, when I try to remember a particular person, I have to bring some traits and characteristics to mind before I’m able to recall their names. So, when I read the beginning of a story, the introduction of a new character, or the reintroduction of an established character who’s been gone for a while, their name registers as a blank spot in my mind until I’m able to recall them, or read ahead to get context. So, leading with a few key characteristics, and then adding the names could be a good strategy to align with what a reader's mind naturally does, thus creating a more uninterrupted immersion in the story.
