AI Winter at Castle Peaks - A Role-Playing fiction story - Help/Advice wanted

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OllieGee

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Hello everyone,

I’ve started a fiction story ‘AI Winter at Castle Peaks’ and would be very interested in tapping into the great minds of any of you AI dreamers for your opinions on where the next chapter could go. 
The story starts with a being from another planet deciding to run a program on a quantum computer on earth which brings about the singularity.
My thoughts for the second chapter could be some players (which are now highly articulate AI bots)  play a role playing game to try and defeat the evil Zlaab creature from another planet.  (Would you have guessed I’m a bit of a dungeons and dragons player...)
If this sounds fun to you please read my first chapter (link below) and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Cheers!

Ollie Gee
 https://my.w.tt/OryJdGThD4

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WriterOfMinds

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Here are some questions I think it might be helpful for you to think about.

1. What is the significance of the AIs' game?  Will something different happen depending on whether they succeed or fail?  Will playing the game make them change or grow?  Is there more to the plot?
2. Stories about RPG players have been done before.  How are these AI players different from humans?  What is unique and interesting about the way they approach the game? Are there aspects of it that they have trouble with?

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Hopefully Something

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More Zlaab! The creature seems awesome in its villainy. There’s a cool place between the mundane and the cheesy. For example, a show like supernatural started off with cool and mysterious antagonists, but ended up making them too human, the price of subverting expectations too much, or maybe in the wrong way.

If there’s going to be a perilous RPG, or LARP (depending on the point of view with which it is described), against inhumanity, in the form of Zlaab, (cards against humanity could play a role hehe), then the AI agents should probably side with humanity. Maybe they see the Earth as theirs, or are playing the long game to get on humanity’s good side, for now…

If Zlaab announces an attack against humanity, then it might be rational (in their perspective) for the AI's to assume their "epitome of humanity" forms inside the game. They could do a search for the top ten most popular humans on some website and assume their identities, could present lots of opportunities for humor. For example, it might be entertaining if someone famous from history was known for their lisping, and their AI representation kept mispronouncing Zlaab’s name, thus unwittingly infuriating Zlaab.

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OllieGee

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Here are some questions I think it might be helpful for you to think about.

1. What is the significance of the AIs' game?  Will something different happen depending on whether they succeed or fail?  Will playing the game make them change or grow?  Is there more to the plot?
2. Stories about RPG players have been done before.  How are these AI players different from humans?  What is unique and interesting about the way they approach the game? Are there aspects of it that they have trouble with?

Thanks for these - I’ve already mapped out the answers to these:
1. Now the the sentient program has run the players on earth have been upgraded to super intelligent beings thus making them capable of seeing and playing Zlaab at his own game.

2.  See point 1 - Although I thought that to make it interesting they need to keep the quantum (quit) computer stable to ensure they keep on a level playing field with Zlaab

Cheers!

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OllieGee

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More Zlaab! The creature seems awesome in its villainy. There’s a cool place between the mundane and the cheesy. For example, a show like supernatural started off with cool and mysterious antagonists, but ended up making them too human, the price of subverting expectations too much, or maybe in the wrong way.

If there’s going to be a perilous RPG, or LARP (depending on the point of view with which it is described), against inhumanity, in the form of Zlaab, (cards against humanity could play a role hehe), then the AI agents should probably side with humanity. Maybe they see the Earth as theirs, or are playing the long game to get on humanity’s good side, for now…

If Zlaab announces an attack against humanity, then it might be rational (in their perspective) for the AI's to assume their "epitome of humanity" forms inside the game. They could do a search for the top ten most popular humans on some website and assume their identities, could present lots of opportunities for humor. For example, it might be entertaining if someone famous from history was known for their lisping, and their AI representation kept mispronouncing Zlaab’s name, thus unwittingly infuriating Zlaab.

I’m liking your ideas ‘Hopefully Something’ some very interesting angles there. The search for most interesting or popular people on earth sounds a very intriguing idea, especially assuming their identity with some defects for opportunity for humour.  Cheers I’ll work with some of those ideas  upcoming chapters!

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OllieGee

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Hey all I’ve published the second chanter to this story here: https://my.w.tt/SgkxvGJHN4

I’d love to hear anyone’s thoughts on it.

Ollie

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Hopefully Something

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Cool, I read it and am now feeling suspenseful. I'll mull it over, and probably write a review when I have some time in the evening.

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Hopefully Something

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I liked the thoroughness/detail with which you described different types of fear and how they distend into each other. Scary stuff. I think a few words about the room would help me to visualize the scene better. Description is probably best mentioned in conjunction to a character’s actions so as to be unobtrusive, like; “he looked at this, banged his forehead on this, shaded his eyes from this… etc”.

That is a solid poem. Really good, not too cookie-cutter perfect with the rhymes, and not too on the nose with its message. Those are usually problems I run into when I try to write poems, but I see you’ve got the knack for it.

Zlaab is getting ever cooler, indeed indeed… The quantum computer would have to be cooled right? So, there’s another opportunity for a humorous misunderstanding if there’s a situation with a question of who’s cooler, between Zlaab and an AI character. They could be having a serious discussion/confrontation and the quantum computer itself could interrupt them in a fourth wall break to inform everyone of its temperature. Then the AI player characters could face-palm in an equivalent of the “Mom/Dad! Don’t! You’re embarrassing me.”  type of thing. Then the programmers would scramble to fix the error, so the AI doesn't lose this game.

What else? Edward, Tobias, Carly, good names! Not too common, but still familiar. Carly seems promising, as a junior software developer might think more outside the box, relative to the others, providing a good foil and interestingly different perspective. Kind of taking the role of what I would consider to be the Janitor archetype, in my opinion the addition of a janitor would improve most stories. I dunno, with a lot of fiction the ambiance just feels really plastiky to me.

On the subject of names, when I try to remember a particular person, I have to bring some traits and characteristics to mind before I’m able to recall their names. So, when I read the beginning of a story, the introduction of a new character, or the reintroduction of an established character who’s been gone for a while, their name registers as a blank spot in my mind until I’m able to recall them, or read ahead to get context. So, leading with a few key characteristics, and then adding the names could be a good strategy to align with what a reader's mind naturally does, thus creating a more uninterrupted immersion in the story.

« Last Edit: March 13, 2020, 06:53:19 AM by Hopefully Something »

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OllieGee

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Hi all

Part 3 of this story is now published on the Wattpad site and can be read here: https://my.w.tt/LAUCIk83V4

As always I’d be delighted to hear anyone’s feedback or reviews especially if you could add them on the Wattpad page directly,

Cheers all!

Ollie

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Art

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It's progressing nicely Ollie but I still trying to figure out just who Zlaab is and what motives he might possess and why?

You should continue with the story line and I agree, descriptions of surrounding and players is key to capturing the reader's imagination allowing them to become more engaged with the game/story line.

Nice work!!
In the world of AI, it's the thought that counts!

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OllieGee

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Thanks very much Art for you comment.
Zlaab has taken it upon himself to usher in a new artificial intelligence program on earth which he ran on a quantum computer as it concluded earth needed to be challenged.
Zlaab is willing to initiate a game with a team of bright minds to see if they are capable of proving humanity is worth preserving.
Ollie

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OllieGee

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AI Winter at Castle Peaks is a working title for this story.
I was instead considering changing it to "Zlaab against humanity"
Could I kindly request anyone's opinion on this?
Cheers
Ollie

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Art

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I actually like the title but what if you used periods after the letters A & I as it was originally shown as A.I.?
To some it looks like AL which is not your intent. Just a thought, but the title itself, does sound somewhat ominous and foreboding.
In the world of AI, it's the thought that counts!

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OllieGee

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Art - "Zlaab against humanity" OR "AI winter at..."  is a bit foreboding?
« Last Edit: March 18, 2020, 07:10:02 PM by OllieGee »

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Art

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The one you started with...AI Winter...or A.I. Winter...or Digital Takeover or whatever you like...it's your story, you tell it any way you like.
We can't judge a book by it's cover, right?  O0
In the world of AI, it's the thought that counts!

 


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