At this is point of my life I was indulging in sports that were dangerous. I had purchased a Sabre 150, I weigh about 200lbs and can actually bench press 300lbs, I don't look like I can, I'm skinny looking and my height is only 5',9â€, short by American standards that warrant at least 6†feet in height to be masculinely desirable. So I sent forth to jump my new parachute. I board the plane with some twenty others to a height of 14,000 feet, yes they usually state the height of a common skydive is 12,000 feet but acutaly it is usually 14,000 feet. So as I approach the door I look for the drop zone if I can't see it I signal the pilot to circle toward the drop zone. I see the drop zone and jump out of the plane. My feet are bent towards my back and I tuck in my left arm to maintain my stability and prevent my body from tumbling from the backwash from the plane's engines.
As I fall my speed picks up from zero to 120 mph, but I decide to track and increase my speed to 200 mph. Those that left the plane before me I catch up to almost instantly. The roar of the air as I fall sounds like a jet engine, it's deafening. I pass the entourage of skydivers that left the plane before me since my speed can overtake them. As I look down towards the ground people still look like ants crawling. As I fall further I look at my altimeter and notice that I'm now below 1000 feet, a violation of the drop zone rules! People on the ground change from looking like ants to actually looking like people walking about.
I deploy my chute by releasing my pilot chute, ripcords are only used to deploy the backup chute if the main fails to open. My main opens and remember that I'm 200 pounds with a Sabre 150 parachute. This means that my forward velocity is very high since ideally the chute square footage should match my weight. So the forward speed of the parachute is very high, comparatively. I decide to turn my chute so I lose altitude at a fast rate, so I'm spinning down so fast that I get dizzy. As I level the chute I have soo much forward speed that I actually gain altitude but as I rise the parachute eventually stalls and the chute gives up flying. I now maneuvering to land and position my approach. As I'm landing my chute I suddenly turn for no good reason. From this point, my chute then collapses and I start to fall and I'm too low to open my reserve. As I look at the ground coming up at me I realize that I going to hit the ground hard, at best I'm likely to break a femur bone and when I land will bleed to death. My entire surroundings go black and I see the words “Game Overâ€. In this darkness, as I wait for the inevitable, I hear this explosion. My parachute re-opened 30 feet before hitting the ground! I flare the chute and land.
A woman with short hair, very attractive, comes running towards me. She yells: “You almost killed us, my chute has holes in it after reopeningâ€. I could smell alcohol on her breath. She then stated that I got in her way and we collided in the air which caused our parachutes to collapse. She then exclaimed that she wanted my leather gloves to compensate for the holes in her parachute. I obviously told her to take a hike.
She then came to me later and apologized and wanted to do a jump with me, I agreed. We boarded the plane and when reaching altitude we jump. She then moves in toward me and gives me this wet kiss and then maneuvers in such a way that pushes me forward and then spins me out of control! I'm spinning out of control trying to figure out how to correct my body to correct the spin. I do eventually regain control and land safely.
I end up marring this crazy woman, go figure...
