[Diesel]

Do you know, I never thought of that. 

Now, I know it's not Friday, but, two Snowmen where talking to each other, one turn's to the other and say's, "can you smell carrots".

[infurl]

It's always nice to discover, our grammar. I can not express the voice here in French. But I have lived long in the north in France and often here in the south of France, people think I am from Quebec because I have a slang. This gives some trouble in the translation from French into English.

One of my sisters lives in the south of France. I think she lives on a farm not far from the border with Spain. We were originally from Queensland in Australia.

[claude2]

Dear friend. I know very well the southwest of France. Perpignan, and many places. I am in the south east border with Italy. But I hope to know Australia. This is an amazing country.

[Art]

OK...Here are a few selected quips and quotes from some famous or not so famous folks:

We hang the petty thieves and
appoint the great ones to public office.

- Aesop
#############

A government big enough to give you
everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you
have.

- Thomas Jefferson
#############

The only difference between a tax
man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

- Mark Twain
#############

The inherent vice of capitalism is
the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the
equal sharing of misery.

- Winston Churchill
#############

I contend that for a nation to try
to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to
lift himself up by the handle.

- Winston Churchill

[Art]

A few swipes at some Offbeat Humor:

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

*******************************

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
 reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You're obviously not  listening."

*******************************

The wife has been missing a week now.
Police said to prepare for the  worst.
So, I went down to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

*******************************

A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his
girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a mustache."

 

[Data]

LOL... good ones there Art 

[Bragi]

 

[Freddy]

 

[Art]

OK...For another really FUNNY Friday Funny, I'm still sort of at odds with this one. I'm trying to decide whether or not the senator was putting one on the reporter / interviewer or whether it was done in a serious tone (with the senator obviously making fun of the reporter's dumb line of questioning).
Australian politician taking part in an interview about an oil tanker that spilled 20,000 tons of crude oil into the ocean.

(Actually a 1991 skit from "A Current Affair" featuring Australian satirists John Clarke and Bryan Dawe.)


No matter which way it is meant, the video is a scream and especially so for someone with a bit of understanding about a dry sense of humor!! This is great!!

..."towed beyond the environment..."

Australian politician taking part in an interview about an oil tanker that spilled 20,000 tons of crude oil into the ocean.

[DaveMorton]

 

That video just screamed Monty Python. lol

Loved this part:

"We're out of time? Can you book me a cab?"

"well didn't you come in a commonwealth car?"

"yes I did."

"Well what happened?"

"The front fell off."

[Freddy]

  Yes very good - reminded me of Python a lot too.

[Art]

OK...It's Friday once again...
###################################

WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

-----------------------------------------------------------------
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

-----------------------------------------------------------------
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment. 
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up..'

NOTE: Apparently Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

[claude2]

Art, I'll have to memorize it for my family with me! Silence is golden!

[Freddy]

Very good 

[Art]

Sorry but just got back from the weekend (what's left of it) and sort of missed the Friday Funny deadline...but these are kinda funny in a punny kind of way so here they are (FYI- Sudafed is an over-the-counter cold reliever).
==============================================
IT MAY TAKE A MINUTE FOR THE LIGHT TO SHINE, OR FOR THE PENNY TO DROP, BUT THESE ARE CLEVER!


1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds.

2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do.

3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.

4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.

5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate (I had to think about this one but, got it!).

6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for living.

8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does.

10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money.

11. MISTY: How golfers create divots.

12. PARADOX: Two physicians!!

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower .

14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm.

15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with.

16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV!!

17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring.

18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.

19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.

20. SUDAFED Brought litigation against a government official!!