[squarebear]

"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "do you have any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?"
"Well, actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I also finished my novel."
"Very impressive," commented the interviewer, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours."

Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh that was during office hours."

[DaveMorton]

[Freddy]

 

[Duskrider]

At this time of the year, when the roadblocks come up with great regularity, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. As you well know, some have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on the way home from an occasional social session over the years.
A couple of nights ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had a couple of cocktails and some rather nice red wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before ~ I took a cab home. Sure enough, I passed a police road block but, since it was a cab, they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or what to do with it now that it's in my garage.

[GT40]

   

[Data]

Hehe, good one Dusky 

[Freddy]

Haha !

[Art]

Uhh Yeah!!! hahaha!!

[Freddy]

Two cannibals are eating a comedian, one says to the other 'Does this taste funny to you ?'

[Data]

   ...

Why did the cannibal throw up after trying to eat Freddy?

You can't keep a good man down.

[Art]

Two cannibals stared at a car full of people going past them and one cannibal said the the other, "That's kind of like a lobster.
You can only eat what's on the inside!"

[squarebear]

And while we're on the subject of cannibals:

What do vegetarian cannibals eat?

Swedes!

[squarebear]

A Man walks into a kebab shop and sees behind the counter a jolly fellow with a big white beard and red trousers.

The man asks “Excuse me for asking but you look like Father Christmas, are you him?”

Father Christmas replies “Yes I am”

“What are you doing in a Kebab shop?”

“Oh the last few years have been terrible. First it was the Credit Crunch, then the Recession, then the double dip Recession. We kept on over spending on Christmas Presents and we owed thousands, the next thing we knew the Tax Man gave us a huge great big tax bill. Anyway to cut a long story short we lost the lot. Lapland has gone, the Elves have nowhere to live and I’m having to work in this Kebab Shop to make ends meet”

“Oh my goodness that’s terrible”

”Anyway it still upsets me now thinking of all the children that are not getting any presents, can you please change the subject, what is it you came in for?” Santa Replied

“Oh I’m sorry, can I have a Donner Kebab please”

“I’m sorry I’m all out of Donner, I’ve only got Blitzen and Comet left”

[Bragi]

Mmmm reindeer kebab...

[Art]

While speaking of foods and such, I heard they're having a Grand Opening for a sandwich shop in India...

It's called a New Deli !!! <rim shot...cymbal crash>


Down the street there is a new butcher shop with a sign in the window:
"PLEASED TO MEET YOU...
MEAT TO PLEASE YOU!!"