[Freddy]

  Good ones.

I liked the ones about the apes and the last one especially. 

[Art]

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
         
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
 
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

###############################
  (One of my favorite comebacks)
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
     
    "Sir, you will either die on the
         gallows or of some unspeakable
         disease."

   "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli,
   "whether I embrace your policies
   or your mistress."

################################
"I have never killed a man, but I have read
 many obituaries with great pleasure."
         Clarence Darrow
 

[Freddy]

   Nice collection Art.

[Duskrider]

Forgot my glasses...
 
Yesterday my daughter asked why I didn't do something useful with my time.  She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club.
 
She said "Are you nuts?  You're almost 70 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
 
I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
 
She said to me, "You idiot, where are your glasses!  This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"
 
I'm in trouble again and don't know what to do!  I signed up for five jumps a week!
 
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier.

[Freddy]

Haha ! 

[Art]

Good one Dusky!!

[Art]

OK...It's....FRIDAY!!

<alright...cut the fanfare....here's some funnies!>

Some of The Truth

1) My husband and I got divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't!

2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

3) I used to have a handle on life but it broke!

4) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

5) Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.

6) Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

7) I'm not a complete idiot...some parts are missing.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

9) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

10) Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up!

[Duskrider]

hum.....  yes, yes.....
lot of truth in there....... 

[Freddy]

Yes a lot of truth, I liked the one about plagiarism especially 

[Duskrider]

Today Friday??  Anyway got one for you.

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said ...
"Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched
a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 20-year-old girl.
 
Now ... I have a $500,000.00 home, a $40,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen
TV, but I'm sleeping with a 68-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up
your side of things."
 
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 20-year-old girl
and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car,
sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
 
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.

[Art]

HAHA!! I kinda knew that was coming!!!

Good stuff Dusky!!!

[Freddy]

Good one Dusky 

[Duskrider]

FARM KIDS
 
A young boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. 'Not yet,' said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken.
 
When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow, and when he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. 'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks. 'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk.' Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I?

[DaveMorton]

 

[Art]

Hehe!! An oldie but still a goodie!! No Dusky...I'm not describing you or me...I was referring to your joke!!