[DaveMorton]

"and when he picked up the headphones and listened, he heard, 'Breathe in... Breathe out... Breathe in..'"

[Art]

It is actually NOT a naughty song but a rather funny one! "You'll laugh for sure!"

http://www.yourememberthat.com/media/9731/a_naughty_song_from_the_bible_belt/

[Freddy]

That was funny 

I liked the Country song titles, may favourite being If I shot you when I wanted to then I would be out by now.

[Art]

I found this cute one in a list of funny things kids say:

TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree,
                    but also admitted it. 
                  Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS:         Because George still had the axe in his hand.....   
 

[Art]

Four Worms in Church
(Four worms and a lesson to be learned !!!)

 

A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good, clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol ... Dead.

 

The second worm in cigarette smoke ... Dead.

 



The third worm in chocolate syrup ... Dead.

 


The fourth worm in good, clean soil ... Alive .

So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"


Maxine was sitting in the back and quickly raised her hand and said,
 
"As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service !!
 

[Freddy]

Haha good one 

[ivanv]

let's make uncathcable artificial criminal! 
the only rule for it would be to not to obey any existing or unexisting rule. hehe

[Art]

Sorry, not only do I not get the joke, I don't think uncathcable is a real word...at least I couldn't find it. Catheter? I really dislike those and I could only imagine a device that might be a connecting cable...thus cathcable but I don't know...it's your joke...please explain to the rest of us dummies if you would....
Thanks!

[DaveMorton]

I think he meant "un-catch-able, but I can't be sure. I didn't get it either.

[ivanv]

i meant:
ai unit that would rob banks. police could never catch it cause it would be very smart.

[claude2]

Dear Art, is a good moral lesson for those who abuse alcohol, cigarettes, and candy!
  But my only obsession .. is that I abuse the tiramisu!

[Art]

@ivanv - Thanks for the explanation - Yes...I see the humor now! Good one! (or would that be Good Humor)...hmmm...either way...it's good!

@ Claude - Yeah, that Tiramisu is hard to resist and so are petit fours...and dark chocolate...and reese's peanut butter cups...and....

[claude2]

Art! Ooh la la! And not only the tiramisu! Apple pie, and a large cup of ice cream with whipped cream biscuits, but it's so good! It's a freak! I was always hungry alas!

[claude2]

Dear Ivanv, and also, I think has a very good solution against the bank crisis! Why not introduce a computer AI in the stock of banks, to get a better result and faster analysis. Since the crisis began in 2008, perhaps as synthesis, would have long since resolved. Since the operation of banks, are the management of shares, the more rewarding it would be a solution found a very powerful synthetic model mathematized the backlog for so many years. But   It is not yet won.

[Art]

OK...It's almost Friday...anyway...if I don't post this now I might just forget all about it by tomorrow (yeah...the age thing...).
I especially liked the one near the bottom about the Password! I can just imagine the variety of calls a Helpdesk/Tech gets.

############################
Computer Tech Support / Helpdesk
############################
Helpdesk Answers
=================

Helpdesk: How may I help you?


Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one...

********************

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..."

Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet - it's still on my desk .... Sorry ....

********************

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

********************

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates!

********************

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print.
Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor,
but the computer still says it can't find it...

********************
 
Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah........ok then............Thank you.

********************

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

********************
 
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: Okay.

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes.

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here.  Ah...that one does work!

********************

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, and the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

********************
 
A customer couldn't get on the Internet:

Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer (angrily): Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

********************

Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


********************

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!