Friday Funny

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claude2

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #615 on: February 26, 2015, 12:47:08 pm »

Super Cute And Funny Baby Pacifiers

welcome to my world!
the doors we open and close each day decide the way we live....flora whittemore

It is a proverb, sent of my friend Rutanya Alda, actress. (Amityville2)

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claude2

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #616 on: February 26, 2015, 12:50:40 pm »
welcome to my world!
the doors we open and close each day decide the way we live....flora whittemore

It is a proverb, sent of my friend Rutanya Alda, actress. (Amityville2)

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claude2

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #617 on: February 26, 2015, 12:53:30 pm »
welcome to my world!
the doors we open and close each day decide the way we live....flora whittemore

It is a proverb, sent of my friend Rutanya Alda, actress. (Amityville2)

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Art

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #618 on: February 26, 2015, 10:16:44 pm »
Are you COLD?

If so, go sit in the corner...

It's 90 degrees!

(that's (an) acute joke).
In the world of AI, it's the thought that counts!

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Art

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #619 on: February 26, 2015, 10:17:44 pm »
Where does bad light end up?

In Prism! ;)
In the world of AI, it's the thought that counts!

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claude2

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #620 on: February 27, 2015, 02:54:24 pm »
Are you COLD?

If so, go sit in the corner...

It's 90 degrees!

(that's (an) acute joke).

 ;D
welcome to my world!
the doors we open and close each day decide the way we live....flora whittemore

It is a proverb, sent of my friend Rutanya Alda, actress. (Amityville2)

*

Art

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #621 on: February 27, 2015, 09:47:11 pm »
Whether or not all these are actually contained in this mentioned title, I can say and frankly I don't care. They're highly likely to have been said one way or another. Some lawyers do make you wonder at times....
##########################

These are from a book called "Disorder in the Courts" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you $**tting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
In the world of AI, it's the thought that counts!

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claude2

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #622 on: March 12, 2015, 08:46:28 pm »
welcome to my world!
the doors we open and close each day decide the way we live....flora whittemore

It is a proverb, sent of my friend Rutanya Alda, actress. (Amityville2)

*

claude2

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #623 on: March 15, 2015, 05:49:40 pm »
welcome to my world!
the doors we open and close each day decide the way we live....flora whittemore

It is a proverb, sent of my friend Rutanya Alda, actress. (Amityville2)

*

claude2

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #624 on: March 15, 2015, 07:08:24 pm »
welcome to my world!
the doors we open and close each day decide the way we live....flora whittemore

It is a proverb, sent of my friend Rutanya Alda, actress. (Amityville2)

*

Freddy

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #625 on: March 15, 2015, 07:35:02 pm »
 :2funny: very funny !

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claude2

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #626 on: March 16, 2015, 05:54:34 pm »
welcome to my world!
the doors we open and close each day decide the way we live....flora whittemore

It is a proverb, sent of my friend Rutanya Alda, actress. (Amityville2)

*

Freddy

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #627 on: March 16, 2015, 08:05:19 pm »
Good one Claude  ;D

Quote
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

I liked those little exchanges Art, that one in particular.  :D

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claude2

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #628 on: March 16, 2015, 08:41:47 pm »
 O0 lol!
welcome to my world!
the doors we open and close each day decide the way we live....flora whittemore

It is a proverb, sent of my friend Rutanya Alda, actress. (Amityville2)

*

ranch vermin

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Re: Friday Funny
« Reply #629 on: March 16, 2015, 09:11:56 pm »
after all that offensive stuff heres mine.

whats a blonde doing a handstand?
a brunette with bad breath.

credit to that goes too some undisclosed genius, not me.

 


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