[Maviarab]

ill start us off,

Q - What are 2 rows of cabbages called?
A - A dule cabbageway?

Q - Why do octopusses never get mugged?
A - Becasue they are always well armed?

Q - What is the largest species of mouse in the world?
A - The hippo pota mouse?

Q - What do you call a nervous witch?
A - A twitch?

Q - What is the definition of an archaeologist?
A - Someone who's career is in ruins

Oh they get worse lmao...i was gonna run a competition? for the worse one but i guessed Art would win it hands down hehe

[Art]

Just remember Marius,

A lack of comedy is no joke!

[ALADYBLOND]

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for her Christmas dinner, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."~~alady
ps this one becomes funnier and funnier especially if you have had too much rum  in your egg nog.

[Freddy]

Q: What did the barman say to the Frog ?

 A: One for the Toad ?

[FuzzieDice]

One my dad told me a looooong time ago...

There was an ant that went running through very fast. Another ant saw him do this several times, but right on this black dashed area. The other ant finally managed to stop him and ask him why he's doing that. The first ant replied, "Can't you read? It says "Tear on dotted line"!

Duuuuhhhh. LOL!

Another old one:

Wanna hear a dirty joke? The truck ran into a mud puddle. (groan)

I think these were the wrost jokes I ever heard in my life. LOL!

There was a teacher talking in class about things that can be blown up. She demonstrated by blowing up a balloon. Then asked the class to name other things, to be graded on.

One student raised his hand, and blew into a latex glove. He got an A for originality.

Another student blew up a paper bag. He almost got an A until he popped it, which startled the teacher and got him an F instead.

Then another student was called on. He said "I can blow up a straw."

"No, that is not possible. A straw is not expandable."

"It doen't have to be. I bet you $5 I can do it!" The student insisted.

The teacher decided to teach him a lesson and told him to go ahead, showing a $5 bill she pulled out of her desk. So the student took the straw and tilted his head back, then blew UPward into the straw. The class laughed and the teacher admitted he had her there and gave him the $5 bill. "BUT..." she said, "I'm afraid I still have to give you an 'F'."

"But why?" The surprised student asked. "That was probably the most clever one in the class!"

"Well," The teacher reasoned, "Perhaps you can get an A after all."

"Really, how?" The student asked.

To that, the teacher told him, "Well, it'll cost you $5."

[FuzzieDice]

And another:

Why DIDN'T the chicken cross the road?

Colonel Sanders was waiting on the other side!

[Art]

That's enough Tika...get back in the car!!! 

And we've all heard about the cannibal who refused to eat clowns?
He said they tasted funny!

[FuzzieDice]

Sorry, Dryden hit me in the rear with the door. LOL!

As for yours -- that... sounded funny... LOL!

[Maviarab]

these are getting worse lol

[Freddy]

Q:  Why did Father Christmas get the sack ?

A: Because he only turned up for work once a year.

[Art]

This guy and his wife were visiting the Soviet Union.

As precipitation bagan to fall his wife said, "Oh look! It's snowing!"

Her husband looked at her and as a drop touched his nose he said,
"Sorry dear, but that's not snow...it's rain!"

"Well I say it's snow!", she exclaimed.

"Nope...RAIN!", he replied.

On and on the discussion went until an old friend happened by.

The husband introduced the man, obviously a communist, as Rudolph.

"What's the matter here?, Rudolph asked.

"My husband thinks this stuff falling is rain and I say it's snow. Do you know what it is?", she asked with some assurance.

Rudolph studied it for a few seconds and said, "Rain...yes definitely rain!" and walked away.

His wife looking somewhat befuddled, turned to her husband as said, "What make you so sure he's right?"

Her husband looked his wife straight in the eyes and said,


"Because, Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear!"

 

[FuzzieDice]

ROTFL! Clever!

[Maviarab]

 

[Freddy]

The News

Breaking News from the small town of Merrywell in Northern England told of local Albert Bunnings recently recovering from a severe bout of depression on a self healing course entitiled 'Getting to know yourself'.

Albert was happy to report that he had indeed got to know himself a lot better and now claims he is the nicest person he has ever met.

"It started quite innocently," he told us, " with a glass of wine and a meal at the local fish restaurant."? In no time Albert says he had struck up quite a raport and was delighted to find he shared similar interests with himself. After being politely asked to leave, Albert parted with himself and went home. It was to his great suprise to wake up in the same bed as himself the next morning and he had blushed when trying to explain to his-self that it must have been the wine.

So far Albert has no firm plans to continue the relationship as sadly, at the most recent meeting of the course he had arrived only to find he hadn't shown up.

He sends this message:

"I would like to meet myself again any time soon, if I am out there reading this anywhere then can I please get in touch with myself as I am sure that if I know that I will turn up then I can be sure that I will be there."

[GamerThom]

A twist on a classic christmas poem? ? ? :xsanta_grin


 "Twas the day after Christmas"


'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
While upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "US POSTMAN."
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:
"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target and Mervyn's.
To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
Now charge away--charge away--charge away all!"
He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.
Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"Enjoy what you got. . . . . .you'll be paying all year!"

 
? :zdg_tongue